Oxygen Mask

"In case of an emergency, put your oxygen mask on first, then your child's."   

When I began my lyme journey, nothing was going to stop me from continuing to be the best mama I could be.  I knew in order to beat this disease, I needed to be super optimistic and dive deep inside myself to find the strength to heal my body/mind/spirit and also mother my daughter.  In the early days, I focused on my daughter too much instead of my healing.  I didn't put my mask on first. 

I focused on making her have the most normal mama and childhood that I could provide.  I didn't want her to be a sick mom's child.  I wanted her to go to playdates and learn letters and sing songs with an energetic and upbeat mom.  I put on a show for my own daughter. 

Some days I was able to pull it all together and pretend like I was a normal mom.  Most days, I would wear down until I was a useless mom. 

I was just released from ICU for having 20+ non-epileptic seizures.  The top-notch neurologists had no idea why I was having them.  But I do.  I put Lily's mask on first.  I wasn't focused on my healing anymore.  I was popping 50 pills a day and not balancing that with self-love.  I was giving all my love away. 

My entire 2014 has been consumed by trying to change my reality and put on this great act for everyone (including myself).  And as we wrap up this most challenging year, I ~surrender~ to our lifestyle.  It's a life of lounging and laughing rather than coming and going.  It's a life of being grateful for food on the table while we kick the dustbunnies around with our feet.  It's a life of watching my husband and daughter grow together in the challenge of nursing me.  It's a life of love.