Dark day, light thoughts

I had a bad day. I was literally in bed ALL day, upstairs, away from my sweet daughter ALL day. I was "herxing" from a third antibiotic for my Lyme. Herxing is when you feel awful because so many Lyme bacteria are dying releasing endotoxins and your body just can't handle the toxic load. It is hell. 

We have a sound machine in our bedroom so that I can drown out the noise. 

But I could still hear the happy shouts of my 2 year old coming from downstairs.  I missed her. I wasn't able to walk or talk very well (I have neurological Lyme), so there was nothing I could do but listen and think about things. 

It is easy to get into dark thoughts when all you have is pain and a dark room. 

But I realized that instead of missing her and wishing I could play, I could be celebrating the time she is getting with her Daddy. They are really bonding. I chose to be happy for them instead of sad for me. And I tried to remember all those days when she was a baby where all I wanted was a day of rest. I got that day today. 

And my husband got his daughter all to himself :)

"How happy or unhappy are you?  That is the question. You are the answer." -Native American quote